Up early for our morning latte’. The sweetness of our nightly reunion still in my heart. Gazing softly, doing my best to avoid being a know-it-all. Allowing the words to come, rather than believing I know what they are to be. Doing my best to harness my longing for union with you. I know I’m in my own way. I know that with the tiniest whiff of “There it is!”, the arrival of uncensored fluidity, it can be squashed before it's birthed. The whiplash of ‘Self’ preservation. Even as I sit here now writing, I lift the pen, and the mind quickly offers it’s recommendations.
It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when life’s flow was as natural as breathing. Inhale, exhale, move about. Eyes open, scent-sations, symphony of sounds, movements of pure ecstasy. Love in the air. Nothing was separate. Anything was possible. Then suddenly, it began, The Initiation: “ There is an order to everything. Be quiet. Form a single line. No crying without reason. Worthiness comes with hard work. Follow the rules or there will be consequences”. I had no doubt it was true.
I learned to tread lightly. Listen carefully. Make acceptable sounds. Need less. Stay out of the way. Ask for acceptance. I fell into your arms every night, my beloved, surrendering my withering spirit, knowing the voices could come at any moment and take you away.
I still return. The Passion for Oneness fills me with eternal hope. I long to linger in your presence. Nourish me. Help me remember. Whisper into cracks and crevices…until I recognize your voice as my own.
Rumble of longing
From the beginning
From the depths
Moss covered portal
Fill me with ancient wisdom
The promise of birth
Rivulets of tears